1 month...

i will take one of these on this couch every month as long as he will let me...what can i say? he's my last baby




eyes? still blue. babylove? still gorgeous.


and lest he feel left out, who could forget my beautiful big boy?


Colin is adjusting well. He is a marvelous helper and loves showing off "his baby"

hi...I had a whole baby and everything

squirt sleeping in the Moby wrap, via webcam


we named him Ezekiel Ryan Taylor. He was 8 pounds, 9 ounces, and was the source of my second emergency c=section...more soon, including pictures...still exhausted 2 and a half weeks later...

9 months

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Monday, January 24th. 7:00 PM

Even I am sick of myself these days. I told my husband that I am not thrilled with how I react to being incessantly uncomfortable, nor proud. He however lavishes me with compliments; "you're so lovely" this, "you're doing such an amazing job" that. He's a trooper, and I adore him. I can't imagine having babies with anyone else.


Colin has embraced the concept of "baby" fully. Yesterday as we sat on the couch, he leaned over and said "what is my baby doing?" I told him to ask the baby through the microphone (my belly button) and he leaned over and said "what you doing in there baby brudder?" It was so adorable that my head exploded.


Colin has also started karate. This was our bid to burn some energy and to do something special for just him. He seems to like it and I like the fact that it's on our cute little Main Street about 5 minutes from our house. The school is run by an awesome family and they are so patient with the little guys. I have yet to attend a full class with him but tomorrow we give it a go. Thank goodness for Nana!


Babylove is still growing. Firmly entrenched. Head down, 1 cm dilated, soft and thin. All that. I am a slow laborer and so the last few weeks of my pregnancies are really rough. This time around I have my eyes focused on the prize, a no pitocin induced, no c-section delivery. I have been having contractions off and on regularly for the last few weeks, just like last time. And terrible terrible insomnia, just like last time. Non-stop heartburn, just like last time. New this time? Incredibly debilitating back pain (attempted to control with Tylenol to no avail), much MUCH stronger contractions off and on throughout the day (last time it was more like Braxton Hicks with only some of the contractions being "real"), I have begun losing my mucus plug little bit by little bit (yay! finally something like a normal pregnancy! I didn't experience any of it last time!) and a three year old with boundless energy. On Wednesday we are going in so my OB can strip my membranes, just to see if we can get things moving along. I am glad for that, her non-medicated approach. I am also trying some "old fashioned" ways of getting things moving so we'll see what works!

With any luck this time next week I will be holding a tiny bundle. But if not, another picture will be forthcoming. I will attempt not to flip off the camera.

before

“Do you know a cure for me?”
“Why yes,” he said, “I know a cure for everything. Salt water.”
“Salt water?” I asked him.
“Yes,” he said, “in one way or the other. Sweat, or tears, or the sea.”

~Isak Dinesen


The Birth of Colin Jacob Taylor, April 15th 2007
SO
I spent the second week of April miserable because I am in fake labor. I have regular contractions, am 4 cm dilated and 95% effaced and yet? STALLED. Full stop, no progress after that. I want to kill everyone, I weigh 200 pounds and have heartburn all the time.
On April 12th or so, after being stalled for a week, my doctor says: "no baby by Sunday? We'll induce ya!"
Not thrilled about this but really want the baby out.
Say okay.
On April 14th (Saturday - after my sister has come up and gone back down to Tucson twice and the day before my sister and brother in law leave for Texas until their wedding in November basically) the phone rings at 5 pm: "Hi! come to the hospital! Get an IV! Have a baby!"
It's a bit anticlimactic.
SO we do so.
At least the first two.
I labor.
I watch the beginning of "Young Frankenstein".
I say some funny things that Luke records.
The initial IV of penicilin (I am a Strep B positive kind of girl) pokes through my vein and I get a crazy bolus of water under my skin. They flush it.
The second IV burns like a mother. I'm told that's normal.
I forget to use my video camera.
The Pitocin kicks in.
ow ow ow.
Contractions, while less painful than I anticipated, still hurt. Like woah.
I ask for my epidural. Because God created drugs for a reason.
In the midst of my contractions they make me walk.
Yes walk.
to my L&D room.
I hobble down the corridor.
I curse Scottsdale Shea.
I sit on the bed.
The lovely epidural man comes in. I love him. Way more than Luke at this moment.
He stabs me in the back and I barely feel it...one contraction later...I feel nothing. BLISS!
The nurse hands me an oxygen mask because the baby's heart rate keeps dropping when I contract.
This makes me nervous but not a huge amount.
The same nurse checks my progress - I have not progressed.
Then she looks mildly alarmed.
She asks me about placenta previa.
I know I do not have this but being asked is not a calming thing.
I notice a rather large amount of blood on her glove.
They call my OB.
The Doctor comes in.
(I'm sure I spoke to my mom and my dad and sister and my in-laws but I have no recolelction of that - my mother has told me that they were in the hallway after the internal exam and the nurses were freaking out about the amount of blood and were rushing to call my OB)
She lays it out for me:
Baby in distress, lots of blood from me = C-Section.
I am not pleased.
Doctor reminds me that we could do it my way but if I don't progress and things continue that we'll be rushing down the hall with more of an emergency than we already have.
I say okay.
I cry.
I get little scrubs as does Luke.
I love him again. He is quite the rock at this point.

After this it gets hazy:
The OR was freezing.
I had a bad reaction to the drugs.
The baby's cord was wrapped around his throat, and I could feel them cauterizing my veins as they worked.
Unpleasant.
Right after they took Colin out they knocked me out because I was having a panic attack like woah.
I couldn't breathe, my heart was racing I was shaking uncontrollably.

Luke took pictures bless him.
He captured the 8 pounds 8 ounces on the scale.
We birthed a tiny tax refund at 3 in the morning April 15th.
They took us back to the room (which was massively huge) and tried to get me to breastfeed, as I am drugged out my skull this was not easy.
We give up.
I cry again.
I feel like a failure.
Then I fall asleep because failure or no I had just been working for quite a while also, major surgery.
Luke got to feed Colin his first meal outside of my body.
It was formula.
I assume he liked it.

The next 5 days were clearer.
And not as eventful (until our last night when Little Tiny decided to rip out his umbilical stump on the only night I was alone as I had sent Luke home to sleep on something comfortable. THANKS SON!) and finally we brought home our wee linebacker.

I have been told by several nurses after recounting my birth story that it sounds like I had undiagnosed previa. This was sort of confirmed this time around when I was sent back for another ultrasound because my placenta was lying a little low at 20 weeks. And when my current OB told me she would not use pit on me because I am high risk. FUN!
I left my old OB for a myriad reasons, not the least of which was the chaos of my first birth. This time around I have a doctor who listens to me and respects me. I also have a doula coming with me who is a dear friend who knows the medical lingo and will fight for what I want. Despite being high risk my OB considers me a very good candidate for a VBAC and I am looking forward to going into labor naturally and experiencing the delivery on my own terms.
That being said, I have no birth plan other than: Meet my healthy, strong child. This time around I have learned that more than anything else, everything is in God's control and so I have had an easier time preparing for labor and delivery. I know that everything that comes together is done for my good and that He will be with me no matter what. It's a comfort and strength. 2 weeks to go!

January 13th, 2011. 8:00 am

just rolled out of bed edition


mercy. uncle. I give. 37 weeks hit me like a ton of bricks. With all usual pregnancy blah blah (insomnia, heartburn, muscle pain, fatigue) plus an incredibly active 3 and a half year old, AND a husband who just got done with one of the busier periods of work so I was alone a lot the last several weeks in addition to regular fake labor (actual contractions that lead nowhere after an hour or two), the news at my 37 week check up that I have not progressed at all almost made me cry. Not only not progressed at all but haven't even moved in the direction of being done. oh me. oh my. oh sigh.



Luckily, with the downheartening news came a bright spot. My very active, not particularly obedient little kiddo will be starting karate soon! It is in fact my fondest hope that this class will help him burn off some energy and learn how to follow directions. He is on an Indiana Jones kick which is hilarious because all of his toys now rescue someone or go on adventures while he sings the theme song. So awesome. Colin is also beginning to acknowledge that his "baby brudder" will be here any day and seems to be looking forward to it! He helps me fold tiny newborn clothes and likes to pat the massive belly. He enjoys getting a kick or a roll in response. He has also been very affectionate with me of late. While I have not always been the nicest mommy he always takes time to stroke my cheeks and say "I wuv you mom. you da best" and somehow we make it through another day. He really is such a sweet boy, my complaints about his non-stop-ness notwithstanding. :)



Babylove is growing growing growing. Last time around I gained weight all over and that helped balance out the big belly. This time I have been very aware of what I am eating and so my weight gain is under control. However the downside is that my belly continues to grow and so it is just out there, hanging, causing me near constant back, hip and shoulder pain trying to balance it. I should be grateful that I am not as big as I was last time, but the non-stop pain makes it hard to be thankful a lot.



All in all I think our whole family is just anxious to meet our newest member. And to have less in pain mama back! We are all looking forward to the move in the next few months and even more to the quiet summer we have planned after that! How has your recovery from holidays been going?

January 2nd, 2011(!). 8:45 AM

we had Christmas and New Years and single parenting and baking and preparing for a move and WHEW. But before all those pictures...here's an update on Mama and the Squiddos.

35 weeks. I will state for the record that somehow this pregnancy has gone by incredibly quickly and dragged on for years. I am very much at the "please dear Lord am I done yet?" point. But I have been trying to savor these last few weeks with Colin being an only child. I don't know how well I am doing, I am in a lot physical pain with the belly burgeoning larger and larger, and I am exhausted a lot. But my favorite times are when he and I cuddle up with a book and he tells me the story.

I have said it before and I'll say it again that 3 is the worst age so far. And the best. I have a bright, exuberant, energy filled kid and I am trying to reconcile my very low key personality with his need to be going going going. The last few months have brought an ability to play independently quite well and I am eternally grateful for the respite. He loves to build and imagine stories. He is still narrating his play and has no desire to capture it through art or writing (much to my sorrow all the usual toddler craft blah blah holds ZERO appeal for my rough and tumble boy). The downside of the bright and energetic personality is the myriad power struggles we go through. I am learning to choose my battles and more than once this winter we have left the house shoeless, thank God we live in Arizona. Any advice on how to cope with a smart kid asserting his independence in deliberate defiance of requests is greatly appreciated!

I have been having the usual weird pregnancy dreams (babies being born as fish, finding that my husband's father is actually an evil genius set on world domination, losing Colin in an amusement park only to find him running a roller coaster, you know that old chestnut) and insomnia and nonstop peeing. Nights have been rough, my Braxton-Hicks are a daily thing and the heartburn is miserable (another baby born with a full head of hair I bet!) but all complaints aside I feel very ready for this next boy. Not in the sense that we have the boys' room all set up (we don't) or that I know how Colin, ever possessive of his mother, will deal with the new interloper (this makes me nervous), but in the sense that we are ready for our family to be together and I am ready to meet my son. We have a perfectly lovely name chosen, we have an amazing support system in place to help us through this transitional period, and I feel less anxious about this birth than the last. I am grateful for the confidence I'm feeling these days...even as I suffer tha aches and pains of the last 6 weeks of pregnancy.

It will be QUITE a transitional period too as our family prepares to move out of the house we have lived in for the last 4 years and into a much smaller place MUCH closer to our church where we spend lots of time. The ability to do this is a blessing, and it will be a lot of work (and a lot of getting rid of 4 years of accumulated clutter!) but when we are in our new place I will be super super grateful to not have to drive 45 minutes to church 3 times a week!
The holidays have well and truly kicked my ass but I enjoyed so many moments in them. Here's hoping the next year will allow me to build on the lessons I've learned so far and experience a million more marvelous memories!

Drop

oh my, it seems child #2 has descended into the lower reaches of my abdomen. At only 33 weeks it seems quite early for "lightening" and we'll know for sure at my doctors appointment on Tuesday if in fact this sensation is the kiddo dropping or not.
I maintain that it is because all day today the pressure in my lower regions has been incredible, I forgot all about that little bit of fun. I also am peeing roughly every 45 to 50 minutes.
But truly the miracle in all this is the oxygen. The beautiful lung filling air that I have been breathing deeply of since 8 this morning. So much so that my husband posited that perhaps I was high.
We are settling in for the non-stop week that is our Christmas week, keeping our eyes on the prize that is the 2nd week of January when everything finally calms down. Having a husband in ministry means I am a "Christmas widow" but this year we have lots of visiting friends and family to keep me occupied. :)
This last month means a lot of changes for us, so I am hoping that the smallest member of our family stays put for a while and lets us catch our collective breath!

Monday, November 29th. 7:30 pm

My posting here has been sporadic. I know why (I want to spend as much time as possible with my only child while he's still an only child) but I thought I should at least post a little tiny week to week, just to keep track of this insane journey. O shudder to think of how giant my belly will be in 10 weeks if this is how big I am now!



Colin is still the amazingly brilliant, hilariously funny, totally creative kiddo he has been. His personality shines, and while we have power struggles now and then (oh LORD don't get me started on the nightmare that has been potty training), he is overall just a joy to hang out with. He's got strong opinions and is fairly shy, so it takes him a little bit to warm up to people. But once he's warm, you're in. He has been quite enjoying the attention from the college kids we minister to at church. The story of how we found his godfather, an amazing 20 year old guy that Colin calls "Mr. Sean" and who has been unfailingly loving and awesome with my kid, is a funny story in and of itself, but suffice it to say the boys scoop him up and wrestle with him and the girls all want to kiss his face.
He loves building things and is still narrating his play, he does voices now and it's so amazing. He has taken to repeating the most inopportune things so I have had to re-instate my swear jar, just to save our more delicate eared friends the horror of hearing a 3 year old drop an f bomb.



The most wretched bit of pregnancy has arrived. That space of time where most everything hurts as one's body stretches and bends to accommodate the little wiggle worm inside. Babylove is a kicker as opposed to a roller like his brother and the comparison has been amusing. He also seems to be on a specific schedule and it makes an easy going, schedule averse parent like myself nervous. Is this an indicator of a temperament? or just how this gestation is going to roll? It's lucky for my husband who knows to get out of the house before the 8:00 hormone induced meltdown occurs and he only has to hear it on the phone.
Good news came in the form of blood test results, my liver and gallbladder are functioning normally! So while I am still fairly itchy I know that I am also processing toxins like a champ! WOOOO!



Of late I have been fretting over our name choice. This has hit once or twice since we decided and I know it's because in not telling people the name I don't get the constant feedback I like to have. Not that it would change my mind one way or the other I just like to see how people react to the name we have chosen to know how they will react for the rest of his life. Luke finds it amusing and irritating but goes with it, voting on the new names and steering me back to the one we both really do love. The middle name is kicking my ass, I just can't settle...I guess it will have to wait until he arrives. And maybe then it will all be clear.

I hope you all have had a marvelous holiday season kickoff with Thanksgiving. Ours was so low key we didn't even take pictures. We just enjoyed one another and a little Aggie pride when A&M defeated Texas soundly. :)

"He's gonna a be a soccah playah! Yes he is!"

One of the best parts about being pregnant (who am I kidding? If you're me it's like the only good part aside from the whole baby thing....oh and the fact that my grays fall out) is feeling the baby move.
I love laying down and watching my belly jump and shudder, knowing that in a couple months it will roll like the ocean at all times day or night (if this little guy is anything like his brother). A couple of the college aged boys at our church have felt Internal Son kick and have expressed awe and alarm at it. "It's like an alien! It's so cool!" (as a side note: I have enjoyed being able to share this pregnancy with them, the young men at our church are proving to be gentle souls who really love the little ones. I am so thrilled to see the college girls I mentor dating such good guys. Because let's face it, a guy who thinks a baby kicking is cool and who will listen to a three year old babble for a half hour without shushing him are really good guys) And all my girls, college aged and 8th graders, put their hands on my belly whenever it is around just for a chance to feel the little guy say hello. Luke loves talking to him and watching him respond, and even Colin has warmed up to the idea and cuddles up next to his kicking belly brother at night.
Internal Son is a kicker, whereas Colin was a roller. It's been fun to compare and contrast the two and I am really looking forward to the next couple of months as he grows and stretches and runs out of room in there!

Halloween Belly!

a million thanks to Mama for the lend of the orange top, made the punkin belly seem like QUITE the punkin. It was terribly warm for our Halloween weekend, these were taken Saturday before embarking on an AWESOME Saturday adventure with Mama, Papa John and Colin. We had the best soy chai ever, did a little maternity shopping at a fabulous boutique, and enjoyed the Irish Cultural Center Fall Festival. If only downtown Phoenix wasn't super far from Luke's work. We'd move there and walk around enjoying the culture every single day!

Friday, October 15th, 11:30 am

Lately I have kept second guessing my math in regards to where I am in my pregnancy. "24 weeks" I say confidently, "6 months?! You're so tiny!" And then I have to do a quick recalculation because I think "6 MONTHS? That means I only have 3 left? WAIT! SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT HERE." But it is right. I am 24 weeks along and that means I have been pregnant for 6 months, and on some days I will tell you that yes. It feels like it, some days I will say "oh. shit. I have a baby coming in 3 months. Thaaaaaat's not gonna work for me." And as for the tiny comments, oh I love that. I really do. I like to pretend that I am all cute belly and no rapidly expanding hindquarters (so rapid, in fact, that my ALL my pants stopped fitting. OVERNIGHT.)



Colin has realized that yes, indeed a baby is coming (denial! He's so like his mother!) and has refused most opportunities to try parenting a stuffed animal with me. So much for my master plan of teaching the kid to change diapers! Luckily he is coming more and more into his own personality and that personality is amazing and hilarious and oh so good. He's a smart kid and will let you know it. He has realized that EVERYONE was once a baby or a kid like him and does not fail to remind you of that. He is beginning to shed his shy side, which makes me rejoice and get incredibly nervous all at once. I was not a shy kid by any means but I was lacking a bit in "da soshul skills", a wry comment made me seem snotty, an attempt to connect made me seem...odd. I never felt truly at home amongst my peers until i hit college. My son is showing tremendous adaptability that I took 18 years to learn. I think it will be an incredibly interesting thing parent him and figure what to do with a kid who has all the makings of a popular kid!


Babylove is growing, growing, growing, stretching right into my lungs. SISTER MERCY am I ever carrying high! I go in for another ultrasound to check the location of my placenta this week, and to get some stats on him. Week 24 has brought with it some strange pains and pressure heretofore unfelt. Nothing alarming but certainly something I am watching closely.

All in all I am astounded that we are almost there. I have been doing a little nesting (but not to much, we are planning a move a couple months after the baby arrives) and trying to figure out who I have loaned my slings to over the last couple of years so I can get them back! :) Do you have one?

Wednesay, September 29th 2010, 7:30 PM

21 weeks has finally heralded the arrival of my 2nd trimester. Or at least what I am told the 2nd trimester is supposed to be like...except add in cramping every time I am on my feet for longer than, say, a half hour and the relentless exhaustion. Other than that, I'm not not nauseous (yay!) and I LOOK pregnant which, let me tell you is awesome, see, if you've never been pregnant I'll tell you that the first several weeks are a bummer because everyone thinks you're just moody and fat.



Colin's potty training adventure turned out to be a bit anti-climactic as it went marvelously well and he's standing in front of me in a pair of Buzz Lightyear underpants he's kept clean and dry all day. Be aware that I bribed him mercilessly with jellybeans and gummibears, and we did a sticker chart, AND he is still struggling with the pooping thing. But darned if we don't all feel terrifically successful!



He's been feeling like quite the big boy and has been asserting his independence in a myriad ways. He likes to help me clean up, but he doesn't like me to tell him what to do. He hates riding in the cart at the grocery store but by the last aisle he's ready to be done. He doesn't want to take a nap but he really still needs one and so he crashes out at like 4:00 in the evening which I hate because by then I feel like it's to late for a nap for either of us but there's not stopping him. Sigh. I do like having a little boy around though, if only for the hilariously awesome things he says.



Babylove is growing big and strong! And I feel him move every morning bright and early, kicking me soundly in the bladder, despite the fact that I am carrying so high it's difficult to breathe sometimes. We talk to him in the evenings as we all pile in our big family bed and cuddle. It's a lovely time and gets me off my feet for a while.

The weather channel tells me it will be in the hundreds until well into October but I wanted a little touch of fall today so I wore what I called my "hippie mama of the world" get up. It's terrifically comfortable, and cute! However I am rapidly expanding out of it and I wanted to get one good wear in before my belly cannot be contained any longer.

On that note I will leave you with a question: what is your most creative wardrobe fix for a cold weather pregnancy? I don't want to buy a ton of clothes since winter here lasts only a short while, but I'll be at my largest when it finally gets "cold" and I want to be at least a little prepared you know?

Saturday, September 18th 2010, 6:45 AM

20 weeks, housedress, early morning because we have church stuff all day edition.

September 10th, 2010. 4:00 PM

19 weeks seems a lot like 12 and 13 and 14 and so on...not at all like I'm almost halfway to meeting my second child. Our big trip to Hawaii was so marvelous but it did set off our rhythm a bit and it's taking me longer than I'd like to get back into the swing of things.I think that while this 2nd trimester is certainly YARDS better than the first (hooray for keeping all my meals down!) I am still very tired and prone to cramping if I go to hard for to long. I have days where, when asked how I am feeling, I respond: "Very VERY pregnant". It's a pity I have 20 weeks to go!



Which is easy to do with a kiddo like Colin. He is non-stop with talking, being a "supah fast wunner!", building, investigating, asking questions, and refusing to nap. It's such a precious time to be sharing with him, he has inherited his father's natural curiosity about the world around him and we read a lot of books, a lot of Wikipedia entries! I realized this week that having my children spaced as they are is a blessing in disguise, I was lamenting the fact that they would be almost 4 years apart and won't be right next to each other like my sister and I, and then I realized that having a child headed out of his toddler years and a newborn is a perfect pairing! I regularly ask Colin to get me small things from around the house, to help with loading and unloading the dishwasher, with folding the clothes, and while those things are not done perfectly, it doesn't matter because he is so delighted to be helping his mama! I look forward to being able to ask him to hand me diapers, to pick up little toys, and help me with his brother. Such a lovely discovery!


Keeping with tradition, Babylove has been as active as his brother was. Tuesday my ob had to chase him down to get a clear listen to his heartbeat, so rapidly was he flipping! I can feel him almost all the time, and would love to share the experience with others, but alas, it's still a little soon! My placenta was lying fairly low the last ultrasound we had and with my previous run in with previa I am going in for another one just to make sure everything is moving up and away the way it should be! I am so grateful for all the modern technology I can take advantage of to make sure everything is alright and an easy going Obstetrician who wants nothing more than for me to have a happy, healthy pregnancy on MY TERMS. It's so marvelous.


We seem to be surrounded by pregnant ladies and new little ones these days. While I rejoice in the company, I sometimes feel bit bittersweet about it all, missing our wee bean...It seems that that is one heartbreak that will never fully heal, but I am grateful for one more angel baby watching over my little ones here on earth.

So onward and upward into Fall! It was cool enough here in the Godforsaken heat to throw our doors open this morning! WAHHOO! It won't last but it was nice taste of the next few months to come!

babylove

12 weeks


In Knowledge of Young Boys by Toi Derricote
i knew you before you had a mother,
when you were newtlike, swimming,
a horrible brain in water.
i knew you when your connections
belonged only to yourself,
when you had no history
to hook on to,
barnacle,
when you had no sustenance of metal
when you had no boat to travel
when you stayed in the same
place, treading the question;
i knew you when you were all
eyes and a cocktail,
blank as the sky of a mind,
a root, neither ground nor placental;
not yet
red with the cut nor astonished
by pain, one terrible eye
open in the center of your head
to night, turning, and the stars
blinked like a cat. we swam
in the last trickle of champagne
before we knew breastmilk—we
shared the night of the closet,
the parasitic
closing on our thumbprint,
we were smudged in a yellow book.

son, we were oak without
mouth, uncut, we were
brave before memory.

August 25th 2010, 11:30 AM

For the rest of the country, summer is rapidly coming to a close. Here in Arizona, we have another month or so (maybe 2) before it starts really cooling down. However September marks the beginning of the school year, whether or not it is cool, whether or not you have a school age kiddo. So we are looking forward to getting on a regular schedule. And being able to venture out to parks and the zoo again!



Colin is talking a blue streak these days. He is hilariously funny and smart as a whip to boot. He takes after his father that way. At almost 3 and a half he is making up for lost talking time by narrating everything he does and asking a million questions. He also repeats pretty much whatever we feed him, which is such comedy gold.



I am finding 3 and half and 16 weeks pregnant to be exhausting but not nauseating. Thank the good Lord. The second trimester has brought a respite from the unending vomiting but not rest for the weary. People who have children back to back I salute you. My big kiddo is going a million times a minute and his little brother is hot on his heels already making himself known with heartburn and non-stop movement.



I say brother with certainty, we found out this morning that I will be the only girl in a houseful of boys come February 4th! While having a girl would have been lovely, I am so ready for another gorgeous rough and tumble boy-o. No new clothes! :)

July 25th, 2010. 7:00 PM

Colin is proving to have an incredibly fertile imagination. It won't be surprising to my mother (she raised two daughters who preferred dress-up and putting on plays to organized sports) that 95% of Colin's independent play is narrated. Whether it be rocket ships taking off to Mars, landing, and rescuing members of the crew, becoming a pirate complete with his own version of "A Pirate's Life for Me" (vs. 2: "a'noculars, a'noculars, pie-wets life fo' me" sung whilst looking through his spyglass...I have no idea where he got that) or racing his cars across the coffee table, over my legs ("thoo da mountens!") and making a leap across the carpet ("it's LAH-BAH! WATCH OUT!") he sees these things so vividly.
Because of this he often prefers me to make up a story rather that read what is written in the book. We have REALLY been enjoying this one, because there is minimal text (although what is there is fabulous) and great pictures. I can make up the story as I go along! He has been playing on his own more and more lately, which is a blessing as I have been miserable for the last couple of months....



...which brings us to The Pipsqueak (more on the nickname later)(also at 12 weeks gestation now the size of a lime according to Babycenter.com) who has really made her presence known around these parts...and has since week 4 of her existence! I had all day, all night morning sickness unlike anything I had ever experienced with my previous pregnancies. My sense of smell was OUT. OF. CONTROL. (still is truth be told, I can't even sniff scented candles!) I could keep about 1/2 of my food down at any given time and dropped about 10 pounds in 10 weeks. All of that, I am told, is a wonderful, WONDERFUL sign. "Signals a strong pregnancy" "great hormones!" are all things my OB has said to me. Although I take that with a grain of salt, a friend of mine had twins (big ones!) and said she wasn't sick a day. So I will just embrace it as a sign that baby mine is still there and growing.
The other thing I will take as a sign is those first flutters of movement. Very, very recently I am certain I felt The Pipsqueak moving around. After housing a super active kiddo, those butterfly wings in the belly are totally unmistakable to me! It was so lovely, and so heartening.


I still miss our Little Bean. It sounds silly to say that I miss a baby who's sex wasn't even clearly defined but there it is. He was a hoped for kiddo and is our angel baby. You'll note that I have changed the name of this blog...We have not referred to this little guy as The Bean and we probably won't, that was a special nickname for our Bean not to be and so he'll keep it. It made me sad for very long, it makes me melancholy now, but I look forward to this next chapter...so very much.

Enjoy the Silence

I have been trying to take a nice picture. One that sums up all of my feelings for the last 3 months. Because for the last 3 months I have been having what seems like a very successful first trimester.
Sunday marks 12 weeks. Almost 12 full weeks of vomiting and nausea and exhaustion and very bad parenting. And hope and terror and over the moon joy. It's been a bit manic over here while I wrap my head around the fact that this whole having a second child thing might work this time.
So expect pictures soon. And more anecdotes. And a return to our regularly scheduled programing!
Fun Fact: it turns out a person can live on green apples, cinnamon candy, cucumbers and saltines for 3 months. Who knew?