Thursday, July 29, 2010

Wishin' and thinkin' and hopin' and prayin'

I have a whole myriad of dream lives for my kiddos...they veer from wildly impractical (a multi acre farm complete with living plants and a whole mess of animals - I can't even keep a spider plant alive.) to incredibly expensive (moving us all to London or Buenos Aires and living in the city). I love dreaming them though, in the wild chance that I can say to them one day: "I always hoped this for you my darling"
I have found that it is the little in between dreams, the ones that I hoped for even before Colin was born, the one's that I think about when I feel the butterfly wing flutters of the Pipsqueak, that have proven to be most attainable. I had hoped upon hope that someone in my family would have children close in age to mine, so that our kids could grow up like we did, a big close family, my dream came true in the form of my cousin Cass who had her son, Roman, almost exactly 1 year after I had Colin. The boys are the best of friends and play better with each other than with anyone else...added bonus? Cass and Romie live on a little farm about a 1/2 hour away from us! We pack up the dog and descend upon them to swim and run around and always come home with big bunches of fresh basil and lettuce. I secretly wish wish wish that the Pipsqueak is a girl pipsqueak, I'm not supposed to admit that part and obviously I adore the Pipsqueak no matter what gender he takes. But this generation of my family has been boy heavy! On my mother's side, my Nana Grande (whom we lost a year before Colin was born) has only boy great grandchildren! And on my father's side, my Grams (whom we lost around the same time) has only 1 girl great grandchild. To much testosterone! We all crave the ruffles and the airy dresses that come with girl babies. We don't know if this little wish will come true (Pipsqueak was reticent to give it up at the ultrasound yesterday) but I will wish it nonetheless.
These dreams and wishes for my children are such a precious, precious part of this time. I take such joy in imagining my life with them. And each dream deferred, each wish come true is a privilege to experience, because it means I am really living this life of mine. I am teaching them to dream, big, little and in between, that each wish or hope or dream adds richness to our lives...
And while I love to dream, I am soaking in every moment of my real life. Dirty dishes, long naps and all. I am treasuring this time with my boy-o. I am exhausted but I know that won't be every day, I am nauseous but I know it will pass. I love hearing him tell me stories, watching him invent his helicopters and rescue vehicles (cobbled together out of string and paperclips and legos and cars.) and just cuddling my rapidly growing little Bird. Because soon enough we will have a whole other person to share our dreams and wishes with!


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