All Good and Perfect Gifts...Part 2

The Birth of Ezekiel Ryan (Part One)...

I should pause here and tell you that I assumed I would be sent home this night. I called my mother in law because we had to drop off Colin, I called my doula but told her to stay home unless I called and told her we were admitted and I called my mom because when you're in back labor and it hurts like a sonofabitch you want your mama a little bit. But I was certain, despite the regular contractions, that I would peter out to nothing like the 2 other times this had happened and I would be sent home. I was SURE of it. Sort of. I thought this crazy pain just might be doing something.
We arrived at the hospital and are taken to a triage room. At this point I am having insane back labor and my contractions have been 3 minutes apart for almost an hour. I have been contracting regularly for at least 2 hours. Nothing much in the grand scheme of things but with a previous c-section doctors prefer to monitor strong contractions, even low intervention doctors like my dreamy OB, the risk of rupture is enough that they like you to go in when the contractions get regular and strong so they can monitor you. I was not thrilled about getting hooked up to monitors but the nurse said it sounded like I was laboring pretty good and wanted to do an internal exam to see how far I had progressed.
Now if you have been a woman in labor you know that the internal exam WHILE you are contracting is the worst pain. It is ALWAYS awkward, it ALWAYS takes to long, and it ALWAYS ALWAYS makes the next contractions 3 times worse. I was at an 9 on the pain scale. The lovely, excited for me nurse does the exam, I fully expect her to tell me 3 centimeters...her face falls a little, she recovers and makes her features impassive. "Weeellll, you're at almost 1 centimeter."
My mouth drops open.
And promptly slams shut because I was hit with a massive wall of pain.
I hadn't progressed. At all.
Zero progression.
-I'm sure most veteran mom's would say "oh honey only 3 hours of labor (we waited a while)? oh that's nothing" But my fabulous marvelous doula had said to me a few weeks earlier: "Meg, your pain is yours. This isn't a competition. If your pain is a 10 on the scale, then treat it like a 10 and stop thinking 'A stronger person, a better person would only call this an 8' because that's some crap." And so I say to those veteran mom's: suck it. -
I bit my lip to keep from wailing as the tears streamed down my face. The nurse politely excused herself to call my doctor. No progression? They were going to send me home. I was in this crushing pain and all I could do was go home and fill up my tub and wait for something to happen. I wept. I cursed. I told Luke he better fight for them to do something, ANYTHING. I didn't know what but he needed to FIX IT. (I was at a 9 on the pain scale, coherent thought was not topping my list of priorities.)
There was a knock at the door and I pulled myself together. I pride myself on keeping it together-ish in front of strangers, even as I have back labor and am contracting 3 minutes apart. "Do you want an epidural?" The nurse asked brightly.
"Excuse me?"
"Dr. Deka is admitting you so we can keep an eye on you, your contractions are strong and regular and you were a previous C-section so... did you want an epidural? because we have to push fluids for a while if you do."
My mouth dropped open again. Bless that woman. "yes. please." (yes, I got the drugs. I have no problem with the drugs, and my 4 year old seems to be just fine, dandy and attached to me despite my insistence on the drugs during his birth)
"okey doke! Let's get you over to your room, it'll be just a minute."
Time ceases to flow naturally. I am still contracting, I am still at 1 centimeter, but none of that matters because I am getting admitted! That means I will totally have a baby in the next day or so! (I am always a realist, I know labor takes a BUTTLOAD of time) In this in between time, I call my doula, my mom, and my mother in law. I tell my mom and mom in law to stay home, nothing would be happening for a while, I tell my doula to come on down even though I am having the epidural.
We are arranged in a birthing suite. It is roomy and quiet. Dim, we realize we forgot our music at home.
The anesthesiologist arrives and starts my drip, easiest needle to the spine I ever got. My doula arrives mere seconds after that and reminds me to stay on top off the pain, she reminds me once again to rest, to gather my strength. So I do, fitfully, hearing the buzz and bipp of machines, the shwowwowwow of baby's heart, Tammy and Luke chatted quietly, nurses checked in every now and then.
Time passed. Nothing much at all happened. It was peaceful.
To peaceful.
My main nurse came in with a little buzzing wand. "Baby is not moving much and we just want to see if we can get him to move around and get things going"
She pushed the buzzy wand to my abdomen around the same time as a contraction. Baby's heart rate jumped and then plummeted.
"hmmm" she tried again. Again the jump and the dramatic drop.
I'd seen this with Colin, I started to get a little agitated.
"Don't worry, let's check you and see if relaxing with the epidural helped move things along any"
I can't for the life of me remember where I was, 3? 4? I had progressed but the contractions were still incredibly strong and baby still wasn't moving and his heart rate kept dropping.
My OB walked in. "Hi! I think if we rupture the bag of waters things will really start to get going! I also want to put you on an internal monitor. You're doing great but baby is being dramatic, I want to keep a close eye on him!"
I smiled, I looked at my doula "I think it's a great option, but remember that once the bag is ruptured they are going to put you on a timeline. With the drop in heart rate the internal monitor will let them keep a closer watch on Ziggy (Z's nickname in utero) and you're dealing with wires already. It's fairly invasive but I trust Dr. Deka."
"Let's do it" After some sleep I was feeling good, feeling confident.
A guy came in to use the crochet hook on me, I couldn't tell you who he was I was just excited to be experiencing feeling my water break! (An emergency c-section after a week in active labor with no progression doesn't allow for water breaking) Laboring like a real girl! WOOO!
This next bit probably took all of a couple of minutes but it felt like an hour:
They ask me to move my butt down a little and spread em.
With the epidural this is difficult but do-able
As the doctor ruptures the bag, I have a huge contraction and feel the water go everywhere.
The baby's heartrate bottoms out.
My heart stops for a second.
Baby's heartbeat stays low.
They insert an internal monitor, everyone is calm, telling me that he probably just shifted.
Baby's heartbeat stays low.
I am starting to freak out.
The nurse asks me to get on my hands and knees "to try and move baby out of the distress position"
And so with strength borne of panic for my son I haul my half numbed ass up and over on to all fours.
bippbippbipp went the machine, showowwowwow went the heart.
Baby's heart beat goes back to normal.
I stay on all fours for a little while, it feels surreal, like I am resting on someone else's knees but I am willing to endure the insanity of it to hear those wooshy beats.
A nurse comes in and helps me get back into a more comfortable position, baby has stabilized and everything seems to be going back to normal.
Contractions still strong. I am on a timeline now but still not progressing. Stalled at 4. Baby's heart keeps periodically dipping low, something is wrong but not wrong enough to make alarms go off like last time. I am not panicking but I am praying for guidance, and it keeps coming to me that I am going to have another c-section. Somehow, in my mind I feel peaceful about this. From somewhere comes the message that I am not meant to have my babies like everyone else, and that's okay.
It's 7 am.

Last bit coming tomorrow!